Well. It hit me like a ton of bricks today, but here it is. I am a ‘Martha-mom’. And it is going to have to change.
Yesterday in the Young Marrieds Sunday School Class my husband and I are a part of we were discussing as a group the importance of prioritizing time with God through independent Bible reading or worship time and how easy it is to find something else to do rather than sit down and commit to it. We talked about how it can so quickly feel like you are not engaged or that your attention slips so much it is not worth the effort- these are common struggles!
So I went home pondering this for awhile and thought, “I know the number one thing that stops me from finding that time- my kids. I spend every spare minute of my day recharging from the circus that is keeping up with them.” The second they are asleep I feel as though I also need to be sleeping because if I don’t I will deeply regret it. We’ve all heard it: Sleep when the baby sleeps. I know.
But I am a night owl. I am at my most productive in the evenings and after the sun goes down. This is the time when my brain seems to like functioning best for me. So, nighttime is actually my ideal time to sit with God.
Except, I may regret losing that 30 minutes or more of sleep time. But you know what I am perfectly okay staying up to do instead?
- load/unload the washing machine
- work on the endless pile of dirty dishes
- attempt to pick up the living room
- submit receipts to the 7 different rebate or cashback apps I have on my phone
- balance the budget (Like I said, I am unnaturally productive at night)
- READ A BOOK
- scroll through social media *hiding my face in shame for this one, the guilt is real*
- and many more things…
The worst part? I will willingly sacrifice sleep for these things because they are the things that sit at the front of my mind as I watch the clock spin throughout my day.
That’s when I saw it. There it is. I am prioritizing the things that ‘bother me‘ because if I can just eliminate them, I will feel a sense of peace. If I can just get my counters clean I will feel so relieved! If this laundry gets finished and put away I will sleep so much better. There’s nothing like distracting myself from a long day by reading a good book.
You know what triggered this ‘revelation’? The song “It Is Well” that played on my music playlist.
No really. I thought, “Can I really say it IS well with my soul? I feel so rushed and I always look around at all the things I haven’t finished and I can just tell I am not at peace. IS MY SOUL WELL?” When I decided the answer was, in fact, “no” I decided I needed to figure out why.
Why am I so troubled by all the stuff? All the things on my ‘to-do’ list? Why do I find peace only through escapes like books or mindless social media scrolling?
And out of the blue, into my mind pops the classic Sunday School story of Mary and Martha where Martha is bustling about and Mary is sitting listening to Jesus speak. The bible uses these sisters several times as contrasting personalities but in this case- I saw them both as two versions of me.
What things am I allowing myself to be ‘anxious and troubled‘ about? That list looks eerily similar to the first one. The dishes, the laundry, the mess in my living room, the bills and appointments I have coming up, and so on.
So now here I am, having labeled my current state “Martha-Mom” because I am trying my best but I am focusing on the wrong things to take up my thoughts and my time. I need to instead ‘choose the good portion‘ and prioritize sitting with Jesus to explore his teaching. The messes will still be there, the laundry and dishes will never stop coming, and unfortunately I will always have to manage my money or make appointments. That’s life. But what I have been convicted about is the fact that I am lacking peace because I am lacking God. I am busy and rushed and troubled because I allowed myself to forget to pursue that relationship. I dropped it.
Well. Here’s to being a Martha-mom in the process of becoming a Mary-mom. Here’s to taking more time to make sure my heart and soul are well. I am recommitting myself to do better.
I would love to hear about ways you dig out a little time to be with God and find peace in your day! Please share!